Shout Out Health

Facing Your Inner 'Life Contortionist': How to Stop Living in Fear and Find Your Authentic Gay Self

Who do you turn to for help in a personal crisis? Do you have a must-see therapist, energy healer or life coach to get you through life’s rough patches? Finding that support can be essential when it comes to leading a happier, healthier and more empowered life, so we asked Joel Readence, CPC, ELI-MP, Life and Executive coach, to tackle some of our questions. Here are some excerpts from that conversation (watch for Part 2 coming soon):

ShoutOutHealth: What’s the most common life challenge you see among LGBT people?

Fear. It’s fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear of success. In the gay community, so many of us grow up turning ourselves into what I call life contortionists. We turn into what others wanted us to become, what society or our parents or peers or teachers wanted us to be. This causes us problems later on in life, because you have such an external focus that you don’t spend the time to turn inward, and answer your own life’s questions and find out what you really want to be doing. So it’s about overcoming fears and really spending the time with yourself, and not being afraid to be alone and figure out what you want in your life.

ShoutOutHealth: What can be done about these fears?

So the vast majority of the time, the fears we’re grappling with are self-induced, and the vast majority of the time they’re not based in reality. A lot of people plunge themselves into the future and imagine the worst possible outcome, instead of staying focused in the present and asking what will make me happy, and what are the small steps I can take that are easily digestible and take me forward in the direction I want to go.

Mind Really DOES Matter: Candace Pert Exclusive!

UPDATED: In memory of the amazing Candace Pert, who passed away on Sept. 12, 2013, here's another look at this fascinating interview with the renowned author and researcher. 

by Mitch Rustad

Researcher and author Candace Pert has already earned full-fledged icon status. Widely known for bestselling 1997 book, Molecules of Emotion, Pert is also the Scientific Director of RAPID (Receptor Active Peptides Into Drugs) Pharmaceuticals in Washington, DC, which is centered around AIDS research.

"Our physiology is perfectly designed for bliss and this perfection is dynamic, so taking responsibility for your own health is important."

 Pert’s cameo in the hit indy movie What the Bleep Do We Know!? in 2004 that brought her worldwide fame and turned her into an cult figure for the New Age and Hollywood sets, and her latest book, Everything You Need to Know to Feel Go(o)d, adds to her already impressive career.

 In part two of our exclusive interview (use "What is Peptide T?" link at right for read part one), Pert touched on a wide range of topics—the mind-body connection, science and spirituality, the role of discrimination on health and wellbeing and the path to vibrant health.

 You've mentioned that bodywork, meditation and guided visualizations are effective methods of healing. But is it really that simple?

All of these healing modalities are effective. The ultimate solution is really simple—love yourself and love others. A lot of the projections we make to the outside world are actually what we're projecting inwardly about ourselves. If you're angry, take a look at whom you're really angry at, because that angry vibration inside could mean you're actually reacting against yourself. Love is an integrator and a healer, but you have to do the work to love yourself and you can start by loving others. That's the core of human health.

Exclusive Interview! Dr. Greg Cason Talks "The Butch Factor"

Are you butch? Or do you fall more into another category when it comes to your perceived place in the gay community? Or perhaps like many you're offended by any label at all. GayHealthBlog'com's Greg Cason, PhD, our resident "Ask the Therapist", is featured in "The Butch Factor" on Saturday, April 17, on LOGO at 8 pm EST and PST., and we have an exclusive interview with Greg below the video trailer:

What exactly IS The Butch Factor?

It's an insightful documentary by Director Christopher Hines where he looks at the issue of masculinity in contemporary gay culture.  He interviews gay men from rugby players to rodeo stars as well as various experts about what it means to be a man and be gay.

People so often get segregated by their stereotypes in larger culture, but especially in the gay culture. What can people do to branch out and go beyond a stereotype of 'fem' or 'butch' or 'daddy' or whatever other common group gay men can get lumped into?

Blatant segregation is mostly a thing of the past in this country (thank goodness!).  Now, people don't generally get pushed into groups as much as they get pushed out of them (or are never let in).  So when gay men try to get into a larger group, but are not welcomed (whether it is in the gay community or the community at large), they have a choice: find a group where they belong or be alone.  The healthy will find a group to belong.  

A problem for many gay people is that they are resistant and reflect the famous Groucho Marx quote: "I don't care to belong to any club that accepts people like me as members."  For some, the gay community feels like high school and there are perceived "in" groups and those who stand on the outside wishing they were a part of that "in" group.  

If one does not want to be "lumped into" a group, the best thing to do would be to not associate with those in that group.  But not wanting to be a part of a group because of what other people think is at the core of this problem in the first place.  If you really want to break through stereotypes and your own personal fears and biases, then get to know those whom you fear.  If you have a harsh judgment about those who wear drag or leather, then it is time to get to know the people that do.  You don't have to put on a wig or a harness to understand that not only is there nothing to fear, but there is much to gain by embracing the diversity of our community.

How is masculinity perceived in gay culture these days?

An exciting development is that gender extremes in the gay community are becoming less apparent.  I believe this is a function of increased acceptance by many in the world around us.  Gay men and women are feeling more comfortable to be truer to themselves and don't feel the need to play a gender role that someone else has decided for them, even if that someone is their own community.  

In places where gay people are less accepted, you often see a gravitation in gay people toward either traditional gender roles or opposite gender roles.  In a more accepting atmosphere, men and women are going to be more comfortable showing both their masculine and feminine sides.  

But, let's be clear.  Our culture still prizes masculinity over femininity.  Much of the negative evaluation about gay men comes due to the negative judgment of men displaying traditionally feminine traits.  As much disdain for lesbians comes from those who believe the feminine is trying to take over and replace the masculine.  

Has the definition of 'masculinity' in gay culture evolved over the years?

I do not believe that we will ever let go of the traditional gender roles of masculinity and femininity in larger society, and this will also be reflected in views taken by gay men because they are also a part of that society.  But, I do believe that there may be an expansion of what it means to be masculine. 

Gay men may one day be less constrained by the outer version of masculine or "straight-acting," and more connected with the inner masculine ideal, or being proud of the man they are and expressing their true wants and desires -- even if that expression appears overtly feminine.  

MIND BODY: Create More Joy, Love and Success in Your Life!

“If you don't listen to others negativity, you can really do incredible things,” says Aleta St. James, a renowned energy healer and author of Life Shift, a comprehensive guide to breaking through emotional blocks and creating optimum health and wellness.

With energy medicine being such a hot topic these days--even Oprah is paying close attention to its healing potential--St. James down with us at her healing studio in New York City to talk about her unique approach to creating greater joy, health, and wellness in your life. Here are excerpts from that interview:

Many in the LGBT community have suffered childhood traumas or feelings of rejection. What's your approach to healing very old but still painful feelings?

Simply feeling different at a young age can cause deep emotional blocks that can last for years. I've noticed this block often working with my gay clients. Often, the feeling of being different, and not accepted at a very basic level at an early age, can close someone down and as a result, it feels impossible to find support in this world. So you don't take the risks you need to build a happy life--going for the job you really want, feeling good enough to attract a healthy relationship--these are common issues but I notice it even more in my gay clients. It's important to identify energetically what you're emotionally still holding on to. What usually needs to be healed is self-esteem and worth, and reaching an acceptance at a deep level of self, both spiritually and physically.

Hopefully you can get to the point where you stop protecting yourself from rejection and open up to love and support from the right people. These old barriers and blocks keep support and love away from you, even if it feels like they keep you safe.

I've heard a lot about bodywork being especially helpful in healing old wounds? What kind of treatments can help dissolve emotional barriers?

Deep tissue massage can get right into areas of tightness and tension, which also where fear and anger reside in your body. Acupuncture is really great because it gets your energy flowing again. Reiki is also good, and so is rolfing. I've found that Yamuna body rolling is amazing and more and more available around the country. Yoga is fantastic for moving energy. These are simple tools that can keep negative energy moving out of your body and align yourself back into a state of health and wellness.

My own healing modalities include a combination of touch, breath work, guided meditation, color, light and sounds, which in concert help release emotional blocks at a subconscious and cellular level.

PODCAST: Aleta St. James - Relax and Rejuvenate!

Aleta St. James Relax and Rejuvenate

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, relax and be fully in the present moment.

According to a stunning study, meditation may slow the worsening of AIDS in just a few weeks, most likely by affecting the immune system, according to researchers from the University of California Los Angeles. In a statement lead researcher David Creswell said: "This study provides the first indication that mindfulness meditation stress-management training can have a direct impact on slowin HIV disease progression."  

If larger studies back up these findings, researchers say meditation could offer a cheap and pleasant way to help HIV-positive people stay healthier and delay the onset of the disease, according to Reuters.

Researchers tested a stress-lowering program called mindfulness meditation, defined as practicing an open and receptive awareness of the present moment, avoiding thinking of the past or worrying about the future.

The more often the volunteers meditated, the higher their CD4 T-cell counts--a standard measure of how well the immune system is fighting the AIDS virus. The CD4 counts were measured before and after the two-month program.

"It just makes intuitive sense that reducing stress is inherently a good thing," says Dr. Susan Ball, Medical Director of ShoutOutHealth.com. "Relaxing and lowering stress is good for everyone, not just HIV patients."

In an exclusive for ShoutOutHealth.com, renowned energy healer Aleta St. James, author of Life Shift, who has worked with many HIV-positive clients, has created a powerful guided meditation (to listen, use the audio player below) to enhance relaxation and overall wellbeing. Be sure to find a safe, quiet place where you will be undisturbed and can focus solely on your own health and wellness.

Enjoy!

by Mitch Rustad

ALETA ST. JAMES: Removing Your Emotional Blocks

by Mitch Rustad

She's strutted her musical stuff in the world of theater in her 20s and became a highly sought after spiritual healer, lecturer and life coach in her 30s and 40s. But Aleta St. James really hit her stride in her 50s, when she became a media sensation--network divas like Katie Couric and Diane Sawyer tussled for interviews with her--by giving birth to healthy twins, a few days shy of her 57th birthday.

Despite a bevy of biological, medical and societal roadblocks, St. James never gave up or doubted herself. “If you don't listen to others negativity, you can really do incredible things,” says St. James, author of Life Shift, a comprehensive guide to breaking through emotional blocks and creating optimum health and wellness.

 With energy medicine being such a hot topic these days--even Oprah is paying close attention to its healing potential--St. James down with us at her healing studio in New York City to talk about her unique approach to creating greater joy, health, and wellness in your life. Here are excerpts from that interview:

Many in the LGBT community have suffered childhood traumas or feelings of rejection. What's your approach to healing very old but still painful feelings?

Simply feeling different at a young age can cause deep emotional blocks that can last for years. I've noticed this block often working with my gay clients. Often, the feeling of being different, and not accepted at a very basic level at an early age, can close someone down and as a result, it feels impossible to find support in this world. So you don't take the risks you need to build a happy life--going for the job you really want, feeling good enough to attract a healthy relationship--these are common issues but I notice it even more in my gay clients. It's important to identify energetically what you're emotionally still holding on to. What usually needs to be healed is self-esteem and worth, and reaching an acceptance at a deep level of self, both spiritually and physically.

Hopefully you can get to the point where you stop protecting yourself from rejection and open up to love and support from the right people. These old barriers and blocks keep support and love away from you, even if it feels like they keep you safe.