Shout Out Health

Facing Your 'Inner Life Contortionist': How to Stop Seeking Approval and Get Happy, Part 2

In the second part of our enlightening conversation with Joel Readence, CPC, ELI-MP, Life and Executive coach, Joel shares his insight into creating self-worth, freedom from approval seeking and living a happier, more empowered life.

Here are some excerpts from this revealing conversation (if you missed it, here’s Part 1):

Shout Out Health: So many experts would just use the old cliché to ‘love yourself’. But what does that even mean?

It’s really about taking an honest inventory of your life. It's about asking yourself, what's working and what’s not, and where is something missing? Write it down. So many things are swirling around in our heads, but make a list of what you derive value and meaning from, and where are you disjointed. Where are you at your best? Where are you at your worst? Work both sides, and being brave enough to pursue the things on your list.

The gym culture is a great example for the gay community. If you’re working out to look good that’s great, but if you derive your level of acceptance in the world based on your physical appearance, or you look down upon others because they’re not in shape, there’s a problem there and you need to examine the reasons why

Shout Out Health: How do you stop seeking approval and create actual happiness?

Facing Your Inner 'Life Contortionist': How to Stop Living in Fear and Find Your Authentic Gay Self

Who do you turn to for help in a personal crisis? Do you have a must-see therapist, energy healer or life coach to get you through life’s rough patches? Finding that support can be essential when it comes to leading a happier, healthier and more empowered life, so we asked Joel Readence, CPC, ELI-MP, Life and Executive coach, to tackle some of our questions. Here are some excerpts from that conversation (watch for Part 2 coming soon):

ShoutOutHealth: What’s the most common life challenge you see among LGBT people?

Fear. It’s fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear of success. In the gay community, so many of us grow up turning ourselves into what I call life contortionists. We turn into what others wanted us to become, what society or our parents or peers or teachers wanted us to be. This causes us problems later on in life, because you have such an external focus that you don’t spend the time to turn inward, and answer your own life’s questions and find out what you really want to be doing. So it’s about overcoming fears and really spending the time with yourself, and not being afraid to be alone and figure out what you want in your life.

ShoutOutHealth: What can be done about these fears?

So the vast majority of the time, the fears we’re grappling with are self-induced, and the vast majority of the time they’re not based in reality. A lot of people plunge themselves into the future and imagine the worst possible outcome, instead of staying focused in the present and asking what will make me happy, and what are the small steps I can take that are easily digestible and take me forward in the direction I want to go.