Q: After surviving a very difficult few years of financial difficulties, unemployment and a broken relationship, things have recently turned around for me. I've got a new job, money in the bank and options again to create my future. Trouble is, I'm freaking out! Being in survival mode so long seems to be lingering, and I'm still full of anxiety and self-doubt, like the good is going to disappear at any moment. How do you get out of survival mode and into truly enjoying and appreciating life right now?
A: In an economy where so many continue to struggle, I am always glad to hear a story of triumph over adversity. But, just because things are working on the outside doesn't necessarily mean that you are going to feel differently inside.
Going though hard times -- war, disaster, and yes, economic downturns -- can change your perceptions of yourself and the world around you. The world you once thought was safe and supportive may now seem unreliable and even threatening. And, the self you believed was able to handle most anything is in doubt. Put together, you have a recipe for anxiety.
Now you want to change the anxiety and replace it with enjoyment and appreciation. Great goal, but difficult execution. Because you went through some serious setbacks that you were not psychologically prepared to handle, your brain may not let go of the fact that danger may be lurking around the corner. Furthermore, it gets all the evidence it needs when you read news websites, listen to talk radio, or just see a panhandler on the street.
In the present moment, all of your survival needs met. That is a gift. You can enjoy the gift in the present or worry it will be taken from you in the future. My advice is to give yourself a break and allow both.
When your mind urges you to stay in survival mode, consider the facts; you handled some difficult times in the past and were able to overcome them. Focus on the gift of the present as much as possible, but if worry creeps in, remind yourself of the evidence that you can handle it and that it is just your brain trying to keep you safe.
Thank your brain for that cautionary thought and refocus on the gift of the present moment. By not demanding freedom from worry or to have total enjoyment, you will paradoxically be allowing more room for both. -- Greg Cason, PhD
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Thank your brain for that cautionary thought and refocus on the gift of the present moment.
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