Q: I'm so disgusted by this whole Ducky Dynasty/Phil Robertson anti-gay controversy (and let me add Juan Pablo Galavis, The Bachelor, to my list), especially since I have a few relatives who are just like him, and use their religion as an excuse to be anti-gay (I'm a 20-something gay man). How should one deal with haters (especially those in your own familly) who seem to cherry pick certain parts of the Bible (ignoring the pesky parts about slavery and stoning adulterers!) to attack who I am? What about loving they neighbor and judge not lest ye be judged? Any advice on how I can stand up for myself with a big, drawn out argument or debate?
A: The amazing thing is that the Duck Dynasty controversy is even a thing. Ten years ago Phil Robertson's words would not have been received with such hoopla. So, take it as a good sign that people are upset and saying something. And, you should take it as a good sign for you to say something too.
But before you do, realize you are judging your relatives -- calling them "haters" -- then you have an issue with them judging you. What exactly is the difference? You consider yourself morally right and so do they.
Religions are a belief system that are rooted in the belief of God. Some are very rigid. Thus people that believe in them are not going to be swayed by a mere mortal, let alone a 20-something gay man, arguing his own personal interests. Why even try?
Don't try arguing what is right or wrong. Stop arguing philosophy and start talking feelings. If you want to make an impact, tell your relatives how their words affect you. Tell them that you cannot change who you are anymore than they can change who they are. Tell them that they hurt you and ask them if that was their intention.
And if you don't want to argue, then don't. Arguing requires two people. Say your peace and then stop. If they want to debate, then just repeat that their words hurt you and again ask if that is their intention (If they say yes, then end the relationship).
What people like Phil Robertson give us is an opportunity -- an opportunity to speak up for who we are. So when your relatives start squawking like Phil, take your opportunity and speak up. You may not get your own TV show, but you will be making the world a better place (and isn't that worth it?). -- Greg Cason, PhD
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