Q: As an adult, I am attracted to feet, but I am still plagued by one incident when I was about 10 years old. I was with a friend of the same age and asked him to take his shoes and socks off to be like a couple of wrestlers who wrestled barefoot. When we started wrestling, I was groping at his feet, then I put him in a hold with my legs and was groping at his feet again. I can't remember what I was feeling at the time, but he was laughing, but now I am concerned it was just nervous laughter. Basically I cannot understand for the life of me why this happened and it leaves me guilt ridden. Did I abuse and exploit him?
A: Mutual physical play with two boys at age 10 would rarely be called abuse or exploitation except in the rarest of circumstances and certainly not here. Clearly your preference for foot play was present in your tween years and you sought to explore your budding sexual impulses the way 10 year old boys sometimes do -- with physical activity and games. And now you feel guilty because the other boy
probably had no idea that you had ulterior motives.
I doubt the other boy remembers the incident, but I'll bet he does remember that you were a worry wart. Even if he did remember the move and somehow knew you had sexual motivations, it may not produce anything more than a gag reflex. Only the most sensitive and (usually) previously abused individuals would be scarred by a non-genital related, though unusual, wrestling move by a fellow 10 year old.
If I were you I would get to the bottom of this guilt spiral. A little guilt goes a long way, but guilt that is inappropriately or abundantly applied is going to hurt you and may mean you have some other issues that may be festering, like obsessive thinking, rigidity, and social relatedness problems.
And, as far as the foot attraction goes, more power to you. Many people I know are ashamed of their feet, but you celebrate them. The key is to find a partner who likes to receive as much as you like to give. -- Greg Cason, PhD
