Q: As an adult, I am attracted to feet, but I am still plagued by one incident when I was about 10 years old. I was with a friend of the same age and asked him to take his shoes and socks off to be like a couple of wrestlers who wrestled barefoot. When we started wrestling, I was groping at his feet, then I put him in a hold with my legs and was groping at his feet again. I can't remember what I was feeling at the time, but he was laughing, but now I am concerned it was just nervous laughter. Basically I cannot understand for the life of me why this happened and it leaves me guilt ridden. Did I abuse and exploit him?
A: Mutual physical play with two boys at age 10 would rarely be called abuse or exploitation except in the rarest of circumstances and certainly not here. Clearly your preference for foot play was present in your tween years and you sought to explore your budding sexual impulses the way 10 year old boys sometimes do -- with physical activity and games. And now you feel guilty because the other boy
probably had no idea that you had ulterior motives.
I doubt the other boy remembers the incident, but I'll bet he does remember that you were a worry wart. Even if he did remember the move and somehow knew you had sexual motivations, it may not produce anything more than a gag reflex. Only the most sensitive and (usually) previously abused individuals would be scarred by a non-genital related, though unusual, wrestling move by a fellow 10 year old.
If I were you I would get to the bottom of this guilt spiral. A little guilt goes a long way, but guilt that is inappropriately or abundantly applied is going to hurt you and may mean you have some other issues that may be festering, like obsessive thinking, rigidity, and social relatedness problems.
And, as far as the foot attraction goes, more power to you. Many people I know are ashamed of their feet, but you celebrate them. The key is to find a partner who likes to receive as much as you like to give. -- Greg Cason, PhD
celebrate your feet lol))) if that makes people feel good i accept it
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Posted by: Samadhan | 07/05/2012 at 01:12 AM
Massage Therapy can be a profitable caerer however it can take years to build a successful practice. You must really like people and be able to separate yourself from others emotions (like a nurse or a doctor). Working in a spa can afford you a steady income and benefits but not the same income as private practice. What you can charge for a massage varies greatly by town/city/state/region.It is a very strenuously job, and most people only stay in the field for 5-8 years due to burnout or injury.I would recommend that if you are interested that find out if any massage schools in your area hold discovery workshops in which you get a one-day crash course.I love my caerer and don’t regret entering it at all, but I would recommend that you look into it seriously before you make the schooling commitment.
Posted by: Asena | 07/05/2012 at 04:07 AM
I remain a Gemini on this: Both an opimitst and a pessimist.I've only once met, in face to face life, a therapist who was willing to stop TELLING me and start LISTENING to me. Considering the number of times I've tried, that is REALLY bad odds. Also, it's like there's a script flowing through a therapist's mind telling him/her to mistranslate what I say and why I say it. It is really MOST frustrating. Maybe it's how I talk? Or the fact that I cannot smile? (tremors) I'm sure I play a part in the thing, but I have never been able to isolate what that part is! Funny too, people in real-life seem to understand me just fine.I've talked, as an advocate, with a great many therapists. One of the most frustrating parts of that is mistranslation of motivation. Lately, I've been talking to a US psychologist from the APA group 51. He has this thing going through his head that feminist power theory is pure science. Thus, anyone who sees that theory (and thus much of psychology) as hatred of men MUST (in his eyes) be jealous of women or want to harm women. He just plain CANNOT understand that there are other valid ways of seeing the thing. So very many times I've seen that exact fault ' X is the only way to see Y. ' DUMB! Real dumb.Dr. Helen: I put the whole thing together and I am not entirely sure it is possible to pick a therapist of any brand with any reliability. It seems to be a matter of most are fine with ordinary problems, depression and such, but once you've stepped outside of ordinary the odds of finding someone go down to abysmal. Plus, even for ordinary problems, there will be many really bad therapists. Sorting out the mess and finding the jewels is thus, in my mind, not at all a simple problem. It is a problem fraught with multiple difficulties. There's good professional people out there, but they seem to me to be such a small minority that the whole problem comes down to looking for diamonds in the muck pile behind the barn.
Posted by: Fatih | 07/05/2012 at 07:52 AM
Here are a few things you can try. (I'm asuismng you don't want to spend a lot of money.)Give free massages at large participatory sports events (like runs, etc.) and make sure people get your card.Donate free sample massages (print up a certificate) at events like non-profit fundraisers, wine tastings, etc. This guarantees a lot of people see your information (and some bid on it.) Make sure you have a stack of cards beside the free certificate so others can take your card.Try partnering with a retailer that serves your target market let them sell your massage service (negotiate the percentage with them in advance.) Then make up a nice display with information on your service that holds the certificates or cards that consumers can purchase.Try something goofy like offering to give massages to the DJ's at a local station if they'll broadcast it on the air and give you a little plug.(Is this answer good enough to earn me one?
Posted by: FatnhikaReyinee | 07/06/2012 at 11:55 AM
I would like to see a therapist, but I have the fear of being too meta. That is being aware of how rcuiiulods it is that I'm sitting there describing events that happened to me 35 years ago and expecting to have some sort of breakthrough.Will he or she help/expect me to give up the anger I've carried toward my Dad for the horrible way he treated me as a kid? The bad part is my memory is starting to fade and all I have left is the anger. And now that he is a 77 year old blind guy that I haven't talked to 10 years my anger is barely focused on him anymore.
Posted by: Viviane | 07/06/2012 at 04:09 PM
really, how did all of you come out and actually find somnoee..? im gay, have been since as long as i can remember but i dont have the courage of letting people know i am, and am afraid that when i do come out that i wont ever find anyone that im good enough for. basically what happens in the movies and shows never happens as easily in real life.
Posted by: Luis | 07/06/2012 at 05:52 PM
The Mormon Fatwa against LGBT poplee is no less deadly than the Muslim Fatwa against its critics. The heinous part is that the Mormons speak with self proclaimed impunity, shifting the effects of their personal pronouncements over to God.
Posted by: Qetevan | 08/04/2012 at 06:50 PM
dont seek therapy-- since it is uslsees, it is a waste of money and time and has many other negatives-- the real possiblity of stigma, defamatory and/or adverse medical records, and emotional harm. It is not beneficial, therapists have no particular set of skills, training and experience is irrelevant because no specific "change " factors are known. Therapists are by definition "incompetent" because no one is competent to effect 'change". Many are unethical or worse, inflicting some degree of harm, through idiocy or actual malice. The people that go into such a field are not random-- the are high in every measure of psychopathology. Bottom line-- just say "No" to psychotherapy. talking with a trusted friend is fine. The "relationship" is BS-- clinicians offer nothing. Just say no to psychiatry-- a long discussion for that advice is needed-- just get meds from a GP and avoid the psychiatrist. He/She has no expertise and his need to justify his fee and his years of "training" means he will concoct arcane defamations that are worthless and stigmatize you forever. The difference from medicine cannot be more dramatic Psychiatry is trial and error per a few basic medication classes. No one can predict what patient will respond to what drug, and how much, if at all. Medication has some degree of efficacy, but alas, much less than thought, with most patients having significant residual symptoms ( the Star* D research studies). Unless you have a lot of money to waste and are so lonely or isolated that you must purchase what appears to be companionship, eschew the "mentl health professional". You purchase a relationship with a prostitute, too-- but she , at least has demonstrable skills and you are not led to think she "cares" when they don't, as in the mental health field. Avoid the mental health professional of every stripe. Go to your GP and he can supply meds as effectively as any psychiatrist and provide equally valid and reliable diagnoses ( ie, with no such capacity). From one who has looked at it from both sides
Posted by: Francielle | 08/04/2012 at 10:45 PM
Alright, well I did not no freedom of sceeph in, anyway, was yes, in reasonable?I was only speaking what I felt. Sorry, that such english figuration had to come off as impolite and nearly being mentally-handicapped. I did not click that my grammar had huge impact in posting comments on your blog. If I only knew I needed an A+ in English and a achievable IQ of 190, I wouldn't of commented on your blog. I'm very sorry to all the four million readers, that had to read my appelling, in-appropreate comment. Sorry world.Moreover, I must in a grieving way, have to say that I did enjoy writing dont ask, dont tell.. own comment, on this page.Please blog more!If one accepts the other <3
Posted by: Debora | 08/05/2012 at 08:20 AM
You're forgetting that most of the weetrsn world has socialized medicine, and most medical research is funded by national governments. Most of the world and most of the scientists in the world have everything to gain by eradicating HIV.Even if an American scientist comes up with a novel way to prevent, treat or cure HIV, there's no real way to prevent him from publishing the data. Big Pharma thugs don't hang out outside university labs threatening grad students, it just doesn't happen.
Posted by: Matt | 08/07/2012 at 12:15 AM
This morning I lsetenid to your segment on mediation. Those listeners who are interested to learn more about mediation might be also interested to know that in Hawaii there is an Association for Conflict Resolution. Besides providing training opportunities to Hawaii mediators, that association also promotes the use of mediation to the community. In the next few weeks, for example,** ACR Hawaii will present a 3-hour workshop in Honolulu on Pain, Anger, and Denial in Mediation** ACR Hawaii and the BBB (Better Business Bureau) will present a series of three webinars, explaining how mediation can help small business owners settle their disputes quickly and inexpensively.Giuseppe Leone, MediatorPast President of ACR Hawaii
Posted by: Maha | 08/07/2012 at 12:42 AM
But he's not in the closet!!!!!He hasn't dneied he's gay and he isn't pretending to be straight.I think the Anderson haters are just jealous of his grace and beauty. That's what I think.
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