Shout Out Health

ASK THE THERAPIST: Shedding Light on the Cynthia Nixon Controversy

Q:  I just read that Cynthia Nixon of 'Sex and the City' fame was recently quoted as saying she's 'choosing' to be gay. That statement infuriates me, as I know for a fact I didn't 'choose' to be gay, and this just gives the extreme religious types more ammunition in this argument. How should I respond when I get the 'gay is a choice' argument, I'd rather not quote Lady Gaga's 'Born This way" if at all possible.

A: Respond by agreeing.  You are choosing.  But the choice is not one of sexual orientation, it is one of sexual behavior and, ultimately, identity.  That ought to throw them for a loop!

Cynthia Nixon appeared to blending these concepts together in her statement (updated here).  This is where most people get confused -- especially those "extreme religious types" who fall for the reports of those with a same-sex sexual orientation who abstain from sexual contact with their same gender and declare themselves 'straight.'  Meanwhile, the individuals suffer inside while those extreme types declare another victory.

A 'gay' sexual orientation refers to a primary sexual attraction to those of the same gender, while behavior refers to any observable activity related to that attraction, and identity refers to a sense of self that one is, a total person, gay.  Sexual orientation is considered to be unchangeable, whereas behavior and identity are changeable because they are up to you. 

Most reading this column have a consistent orientation/behavior/identity, be it straight, gay or in-between.  But we all know those who might have sex with someone of the same gender yet declare themselves as 'straight.'  Most therapists and those who hold people's confidence also know those who have sexual attraction to those of the same gender but have never acted on it.  And, there are even those who have a gay sexual orientation and identity, but never intend to act on it.  How is that for confusing?

Your Daily Dose: Novak Gets Ripped, Cynthia Nixon Update, and more...

Don't have time to find today's hottest health-related (or just plain inspiring) headlines? Here's what making news as we speak (we opt for the upbeat or amusing, when at all possible). After all, you can find all the bad news on CNN, right?)... Enjoy your day!

  

HORMONE THERAPY:  Flex, Novak! 

TOP STORY:  Researchers ID peptide that inhibits Hep C ...

I NEED A HERO: Gaga launched Born This Way foundation ...

I NEED ANOTHER 'HERO': Young tennis star takes it to Court ...

MUST READ:  Cynthia Nixon clarifies her 'choce' again ... 

 

COSMOS: Your Health Horoscope for the Week! Starting to Sizzle, Capricorn!

Jan. 30-Feb. 6, 2012: Whether or not you really want to hear this, you need to take hold of acknowledging your responsibilities this week. It's not just about you. It's not just about your relationships. It's the whole package. Step up to the plate. Make a point of doing what's right in your relationships to self and others, in your personal and professional life. If you're seeing the little things
you do for others as duties, treating these things as if they're business tasks, you might need to add that TLC sensitive touch to the mix. Those you love aren't about the 9 to 5 world. Don't let them forget you love them!

Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn, you may feel you're getting a mixed cosmic bag this week. While Cancer and Capricorn probably can enjoy Venus in Pisces--especially while the transits look downright sizzling about now--Aries and Libra may be less inclined to have romantic moments. It's not that Aries and Libra really don't want to; perhaps there are business concerns on the brain. It happens. Cut your partner some slack, and try to be patient. See what you can do to help. But be aware this isn't the time to smother! The calmer you are about giving space, the easier it will be on both of you.

ASK THE THERAPIST: 'Mean Girls' Alert! Navigating Superficiality in the Gay Scene

Q: Why are so many gay men so unbearably superficial? I'm 28-year-old (a gay male) and I feel like I'm in junior high school all over again, every time I go out to a bar. It's the same online, when I try Grindr or even match.com, it seems like anyone remotely attractive thinks they're Brad Pitt and looking for a better version of themselves. I've made it through my teen age years once, I have no interest in going back. Any advice beyond turning into a 'mean girl' myself and playing the game?

A:  If Lindsay Lohan has taught us anything, it's that becoming a "mean girl" costs you in the end.  Though you might get more boys by associating with the A-listers, poofing your hair, and flunking math,
you will also lose sight of what's important, like your real friends, your roots, and the man that could bring true love into your life. (Lindsay later went on to teach us a few more things about what not to do, but that is for another column.)

People often focus on the superficial when they don't like what's inside.  If you are gay, that is often preceded with an upbringing where you were taught that what is inside is not good enough.  Combine this with the fact that men tend to be more visually focused in general, along with a few more factors about the gay brain, the gay media, and the gay culture and the judgment-fest begins!  

COSMOS: Your Health Horoscope for the Week! Watch Your Diet, Virgo!

An independent New Moon and Mars retrograde promise an active week for everyone. If the start of something new (no, not just love...think *anything*) is in your plans, feel the energy! Anything you start now needs to be tempered with wisdom and concentration. If you rush in without considering how you plan to do it, you can be sadly disappointed and then have to do it again. Take your time. Think of the goal, visualize that goal, and then make it come alive. If your plans are more personal than professional,
just avoid rushing in. You can achieve what you want with more patience.

By now, Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn, it's probably pretty obvious that tension seems to have made you its best friend. If this week seems to be a bit freer, a lot easier to deal with, it's not your imagination. Enjoy the freedom. Consider making plans to go skiing if that's your thing, or maybe you just need to release some of that energy into some quality, steamier exercise, inside. You're likely to feel free enough to express yourself for now, but your moods may change with the weather. Savor life at least till Friday and Saturday when you may need to pull on the reins again to avoid some overkill.

COSMOS: Your Health Horoscope for the Week! What's Next, Capricorn?

Sometimes the weight of the world can feel pretty heavy even on your shoulders. This is a good time to turn your thoughts to the various roles you play in your daily life. Whether you're thinking about your career, education, or the relationships you have, you are at the heart of the situation as well. This isn't an all-take, no-give world. The week opens to the opportunity to make wise choices in all areas of your life. What will you do to take yourself to the next level? What are the next steps you have in mind?

Embrace the occasion. You can do this!

Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn, do those new ideas possess the potential for dramatic change in your life? Make sure your plans have been expanded well enough to consider every angle. Avoid rushing or carelessly treating the fine points. Those can trip you up. Good plans deserve your best from start to finish. Make the most of it. In the long run, these kinds of details will help you to maintain the steady pace you'd like to see as you move forward with your goals. Boring or not, adding pragmatic thought to your passion for progress will bolster your self-confidence and give you the energy you need to keep going.