EXCLUSIVE: Are You Being Bullied? Here's what to do (and NOT to do) to stay safer

Is there anyone in the LGBT community that hasn’t come face-to-face with some form of bullying?  The name calling, the beckoning to meet after school, and the wary walk home. Or—as even a quick glance of the shocking headlines of late reminds us--much, much worse consequences.

Anti-gay bullying has also led to a recent string of gay teen and youth suicides that have left the gay community—and the world—reeling (and thankfully, responding quickly to provide much-needed support and outreach with programs like It Gets Better).

The statistics are also shocking: Studies vary widely but some of the numbers tell us that as many as 87% of gay men have a history of verbal harassment, 25% have had objects thrown at them, up to 37% have been chased or followed, and as many as 24% have been physically assaulted (10% with a weapon or object) — all for being perceived as gay (whether in fact they are or not). 

To start to protect yourself, it may help to understand that there are several reasons for antigay harassment. Some offenders may be trying to assert their dominance and believe that by putting you down, they are lifting themselves up. Some may be following the teachings or philosophy of their own family, church, or even perceptions of government wishes.  Some of them may be trying to impress someone like a girl or the leader of the group that is doing this to you. 

Perhaps the scariest reason for harassment is because the person doing the harassing is secretly attracted to you. Yet, his way of coping is to attack you.  The attack is both a reason to interact with you and an attack on that part of himself that he hates. 'N-Sync star (now an out and proud gay man) Lance Bass famously outed himself as verbally bullying gays in his youth in this interview.

Bullies who are secretly attracted to you are not easy to spot. They can be the roughest characters and the most self-righteous and are often responsible for the worst attacks. So if you suspect this is the case, don't tell him you think he is gay, it may only increase his rage.  People like this are deeply conflicted and will often do anything, up to and including violence, to evade suspicion.

But what can you do if you’re being bullied? Here are some suggestions:

TELL SOMEONE: Do not suffer in silence! Find someone who will listen, an out gay teacher, a school counselor, perhaps your own parents. But, choose wisely, as teachers, counselors, and parents themselves have been known to fuel the fire rather than help squelch it.  Then, put the school on notice that this is happening and has got to stop.  This behavior is not tolerated in the workplace, so it is a wonder why so many allow it to happen on the school-yard. 

FIGHT BACK: If your instinct or urge is to stand up to them, make sure you are prepared to take them on or it will make it worse.  Even the odds. Take a martial arts class to teach you how to defend yourself and increase your self-confidence. Lift weights.  And, enlist a group of friends to be there with you.  Size is intimidating, whether it is in body or in group number.  But, remember, hitting another person is assault, so don't do it unless you absolutely need to defend yourself against a physical attack.

Lots of gay men have learned very young to "fight with words."  If this is a way that you believe you can stand up to them, then you might try it.  One caveat.  If you humiliate them, it will usually only increase their anger.  Be prepared to fight another day.

AVOID THEM: Another option is to avoid these guys.  This "flight" option has proven effective for many throughout the years, but it forces you to compromise your life to do so.  Staying in groups is one way to avoid if the bully is nearby.  Ignoring taunts may work to help to bore the bully and encourage him to move on.  If you combine avoidance with getting the school or other authorities involved, you may have the most effective and least costly (to you) means of dealing with this. GLSEN's SafeSpaceKit helps a high school or college kid set up a safe space for gay kids to go and seek refuge and get support.

TALK IS CHEAP: In addition, there’s what I call the talk option. Many shrinks, maybe your mom, and some teachers might go with talking.  It may have worked somewhere, but rarely does it work with boys on the schoolyard.  First of all, if the bullying is verbal only, you might consider it.  But, males often turn physical when they are angry and have run out of words.  So, if there has been physical contact (or the threat of it), forget it.  If someone suggests the talking option to you, ask them how they were able to make it work.  If they haven't done it themselves, they may be just trying to help you avoid conflict... but they are probably not being realistic.

It is certainly tragic that so many (straight and gay) youth have to deal with this. Unfortunately, the scars go deeper than the surface of the skin.  Gay and bisexual men who have been victimized at school report higher levels of substance abuse and sexual risk behaviors than those who have not. And in the extreme, most tragically of all, some feel so hopeless they take their own life.

Remember, don't ever feel that you’re alone – find someone to talk to about your situation, know there are options, and that it gets better. You not only need support physically, but emotionally as well. -- Greg Cason, PhD

 

Comments

[Becks]

thank you for this, good advice and I wish I had it when I was a teen, thats for sure! will pass this along, thanks greg!

[Drug Store Discount]

Excellent read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on this topic.

[Negrita]

Valium is safe with almost every kind of anatdepressints, including Prozac. Valium has to be prescribed, so your doctor should know you're on Prozac, and wouldn't prescribe anything that would harm you when used together. I've used Valium with a different kind of antidepressant, and the antidepressant is for depression, and the Valium for nerves, both are used for separate disorders. You can always call the Pharmacy at your drugstore or Pharmacist, also, if you have any concerns.realme1960

[Hurul]

Saving video ybuutoe Sex video ybuutoe Share video ybuutoe Sharing video ybuutoe Top video ybuutoe Upload your video on myspace Video for myspace profile Video ybuutoe Watch paris hilton sex video