What are you worried about? Do you spend minutes, hours or days worrying about what might happen to you? What if I can't pay my rent this month? What if I get HIV? What if my boyfriend dumps me?
In fact, in a recent
Without a doubt, worry and anxiety are real concerns, but do we really have to go there?
You probably believe if you think about something over and over, you are preparing yourself for the worst so it will not be awful. Well, good luck with that!
I think worry is like praying for something
bad to happen. By thinking of something over and over, you just may be
helping to create it.
Most likely, you do not have personal powers over the economy or
the behavior of other people, but you can worry yourself into a
paranoid state and become just annoying enough that your boss may just
want to fire you, and your partner may want to walk out the door.
A little worry can be helpful to keep you focused on a problem that
is difficult to solve, but if you find worry is dominating your
thoughts, then you need to build up your mind muscle to deal with it.
These strategies can help you reduce or even eliminate worry from your life:
Worry is a concern about the future. You keep reinventing problems and attempting to solve them, usually in an attempt to reassure yourself that the future is safe. But since you have about as much power to predict the future as a storefront psychic, you will continue coming up with endless problems. And with an endless amount of problems, you will also have to come up with an endless amount of solutions. Meanwhile, your life will pass you by. A quick exercise to stay in the moment: Take a deep breath, wiggle your toes to feel the ground below and, as you exhale, remind yourself where you are by noticing what is around you (a green table, a brass lamp, etc.). If you are thinking about the future, it is probably because you are not in any danger in the present. Remind yourself (if it is true): I am safe.
Worry is not to be forgotten, but there is no reason it need be inconvenient! Set aside a time to worry each day--15 minutes should be more than enough. Most people prefer a time that coincides with something they do everyday, such as just before breakfast. Decide what works best for you, and then every time you think of something you are worried about, say to yourself, "Stop. I will not think about this now. I will think about it during my worrying time." Then when your "worry time" comes, you must clear everything else and just worry. Don't watch TV, listen to music, or have anything or anyone else present to distract you. Really focus on worrying, knock yourself out! Then, when the time is up, STOP worrying. Any worry thought that enters your head, just tell yourself you will worry about it at the next worry time. Do this for one month, then reassess.
Worries are usually the words produced by your own anxiety. Rather than seeing anxiety as a problem you want to make go away, pretend it is a person -- albeit an invisible one -- like a friend who is trying to protect you by warning you about the dangers in the world. But your logical mind does not agree. So rather than fighting your anxiety, sit it down and have a conversation with it. Listen to its concerns with your logical mind. Don't argue with it. Instead, take it with you to things it is afraid of -- like parties, driving, or even a date. Think of yourself as holding anxiety's hand like that of a child. Show anxiety you can do it.
Worry is often an avoidance strategy. Maybe you are trying to avoid future pain, but you could also be trying to avoid something you don’t want to face right now—like a bad relationship or job, or your own inadequacy. The worry may cloud the issue. So rather than worry about an outcome, face the problem, and let the chips fall where they may. Do everything you can in this present moment and then try to let go of the rest. It's a little like flying into the dark -- remind yourself that if something happens, you will handle it then. If you’re still struggling however, a good therapist can help to guide you to discover you’re strong enough to deal with today’s demons and whatever is coming in the future.
-- Dr. Greg Cason, PhD
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