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Life Coaching: Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

It’s time to get out of your own way.

That no-nonsense mantra hit me like a ton of bricks recently during a coaching session with a client, and I jotted it down immediately so I wouldn’t forget. Over the years as a writer, I’ve interviewed incredible energy healers and wellness experts, and experienced almost every healing modality out there. It’s been amazing. But I’m realizing more and more that this one nugget of intuition might be the most simple, powerful strategy for ‘healing’ I’ve ever heard.

I think this statement applies to everyone. We’ve all been stuck (either for a short time, or possibly for many years) in some job, relationship, limitation or other unhappy circumstance. But our minds often find many logical reasons ‘why’ we can’t move on or get what we want: My boss sucks and doesn’t appreciate me. I’m too fat. I’m not good enough. People don’t like me. I’m not lucky. Other people are so stupid! Why don’t they appreciate me?

Do any of these sound familiar? What would be on your list? It’s unbelievably easy to fill our minds with all this noisy, negative chatter, and feel resigned to the fact that happiness and real fulfillment are (for now) out of the question. One day, maybe. After all, life is just too stressful, people are just too crazy, and there’s too much to do, right?! But do these statements help you get what you want, or do they just litter your own personal landscape, and slow you down?

Understandably, most people accept that they're stressed out and stuck, and look for ways to cope with these feelings of powerlessness. You slowly forget that you have choices, and that you're naturally equipped with a limitless capacity for change. So you muddle along, doing the best you can - stuck and in your own way. If that’s OK with you, fine and dandy. Don't judge yourself, it’s OK to choose to stay the same.

But if you’re feeling adventurous and brave, I’ve found that when you take a moment to ask yourself a scary question – What role am I playing in any or all of these unhappy circumstances? – you can then start to see opportunities to break free, and get out of your own way. Hint: If you think the only reasons you’re not living at optimal levels are ‘out there’ or ‘their fault’ or ‘that’s just the way I am’ this is your chance to snap out of that inertia (blame accomplishes nothing) and start liberating yourself so you can achieve that big goal, or just be happier and more peaceful each day.

The fact is, this isn't pie-in-the-sky, airy fairy New Age stuff: You CAN be happier and more powerful than you’ve ever imagined, once you learn to get out of your own way, and allow yourself to live life more freely. What would your life be like without that noisy, negative chatter weighing your down, getting in your way? -- Mitch Rustad

For more information, go here or fill out this quick and easy intake form here. For a free, 30-minute consult with Mitch, contact me here. 

ASK THE COACH: Help, I'm Addicted to 'Fixing' Other People's Problems!

Q: “Help, I am realizing that I’m a glutton for punishment when it comes to trying to ‘fix’ other people’s problems. My boyfriend, my mother, even my co-workers, all constantly ask for my advice, but too often just criticize me after I've offer it.  Then, we all invariably end up angry and resentful. I do love them and try to help, what am I doing wrong?”

A: 

What's so wrong about wanting to be a fixer? We only do it because we want our loved ones to be happy, right? And yet, as you've learned from hard experience, the failure rate is usually off the charts when it comes to "fixing" our friends' and families' problems. And it often leads to frustration, bad feelings and resentment.

The truth is, we can't "fix" anyone. That notion is nothing but an illusion. And deep down, you probably already know this, too. So why do so many of us fall into this futile "fixer" role? I believe that we often try to ‘fix’ others because we want to ‘fix’ ourselves. If we’ve been conditioned to believe that we’re just not enough, we’re wrong, inadequate or stupid (ouch, sound familiar?), it only makes sense that we’d want to ‘fix’ that in others, right? And rather than looking at ourselves in the mirror, it’s far easier to look ‘out there’ and become a fixer, so maybe, just maybe, we can feel loved and approved of — and in that sense, feel free to love ourselves.

The first step to interrupting this ‘let’s fix them so I can be happy’ pattern is to ask yourself the following blunt questions: “Can I really ‘fix’ anyone else?” “Is it my job or my responsibility to fix another person?” "Is fixing someone else the best use of my time?" Write down your answers, and let the reality of those answers sink in. (Hint — you should be answering "no" to all of the above.) Once you’re clear that being a ‘fixer’ isn’t your lot in life, you can put your energy into creating healthier relationships that enhance your wellness, with more love, healthy boundaries and mutual respect. Or, as Iyanla Vanzant so often says, it’s time to do your work.

I believe that working with a life coach is one of the best ways to expose and get un-addicted to core negative patterns, loops and old stories that play out in our lives as ‘reality’; until we CHANGE ourselves, life simply CANNOT give us anything different (not for long, anyway) than what our core patterns and beliefs allow us. It’s that simple. For more information on my coaching, click HERE -- Mitch Rustad, CLC

Wellness: Are You Stuck in Approval Seeking Mode?

Hate in any form is toxic and destructive, especially when you hold onto it. So while I’m taking a deep breath and letting go of the latest Trump-fueled insanity coming out of Washington, I’ll direct my ire at an enemy we all share in one way or another: approval-seeking! Guess what? I hate it.

I know you’re not supposed to hate anything (or anyone) because as the well-known adage goes, holding onto hate is akin to your taking a vial of poison thinking it will kill your enemy. But this particular poison – approval seeking -- drains your energy, individuality and personal power; needing and seeking and obsessing about the approval of others is energetic poison, and each and every one of us dips into this toxic well far too often.

The truth is, approval seeking is incredibly stressful -- and exhausting.

So WHY do so many of us seek approval? More specifically, what’s wrong with being nice and seeking approval? Here’s the problem: Needing and seeking their approval is akin to saying, “YOU’RE more important than I am. I need you to approve of me so I can feel good about myself.”

So we dress a certain way. We conform, act and preoccupy our every move with fear-based thoughts such as "what if they don’t like me?” It’s safe to say that virtually everyone on earth has experienced similar thoughts like this one, sometimes hundreds of times per day. We get desperate to impress, to get more ‘likes’ and attention, online and in the world. But what do you think that’s doing to your true potential, creativity, and moment-to-moment peace of mind? The truth is, approval seeking is incredibly stressful -- and exhausting. Life becomes a chore. Anxiety rises. How does that help you (or anyone)?

ASK THE COACH: Life Coach or Therapist? How to Know Which is Right for You

Q: “I'm feeling 'stuck' in my career, and even in my relationships, which aren't fulfilling anymore. I’ve had some traditional therapy and it was helpful, but I’m reading more and more about life coaches and I’m wondering what the difference is between the two — why would someone choose to work with a life coach vs. a therapist?”

A: “This is an easy one. For starters, therapy is incredibly valuable and I encourage anyone who’s struggling with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and other serious conditions to consider this option. Let’s be clear: Life coaching is NOT therapy. However, as millions of people are finding out, coaching can be a tremendously helpful - some would say life-changing - resource that can lift the fog of confusion around a life challenge or personal issue, and help quiet a noisy, negative mind so you can get ‘unstuck’ and move forward. This work can be directed towards a specific intention (finding love or a new job), or more general (being happier, stop procrastinating, etc.). The bottom line is: Life is too short to spend it in LESS than optimal ways, so if you’re curious, go for it. Find out more HERE...

In short, the foundation of coaching is premised on the fact that YOU already have the best answers for you, but maybe you’re disconnected from an experience of your inherent self worth, confidence, or clarity — some call it a “fog” -- which are all tremendously essential components of having a happy, successful life. A good life coach guides this valuable conversation, and asks all the right questions, which will hopefully begin to break the patterns and challenge limiting behaviors/beliefs that keep you looping unhappiness.

Coaching is focused on the present and the future. It’s about creating strategies, vision boards, action steps, and positive mantras and life statements that can literally help you ‘change your reality’ — I’ve seen this happen with many clients, and it’s truly miraculous to see people transform old ideas and beliefs about themselves, and how this directly impacts what can often seem like hopeless, and toxic, circumstances.

Effective coaching should be empowering, uplifting, exciting, engaging, and enlightening. The old adage from “The Wizard of OZ” actually rings most true here: You’ve always had the power, but you have to learn it for yourself. That’s perhaps a worn-out cliche, but it’s packed with truth. It’s an exciting process to discover this for yourself, and coaching an help guide you to access that innate power and express your natural inclination for happiness, joy and abundance.

What’s required of you? A sincere desire and willingness to step outside your box/comfort zones, and experience lasting change, both within and in your external life circumstances. You really can create a more satisfying ‘reality’ if you’re willing to gently confront your stuff, let go of old patterns and finally get out of your own way.

Certified coaches like myself learn myriad tools for helping clients break through barriers, awaken their self worth, and learn to implement real world strategies in their own unique, magnificent ways. Finding the right coach is a bit like dating, you start with a conversation, feel the chemistry and compatibility, and go from there. For more information on coaching, click HERE -- Mitch Rustad, CLC