A: “Doctor, heal thyself” right?
Turns out you’ve got a classic problem; the ability to access and share your own wisdom in the service of others but not yourself. As someone who has built a life around working with and supporting others, you can believe I struggle with this too. It’s hard sometimes to avail ourselves of our own wisdom, support and tools. Heck, sometimes we just forget to apply what we know in our own lives. It’s like we live in a
constant case of amnesia; a convenient trick of the brain, that has us separated from what we know.
The brilliant thing though is that all those amazing skills, viewpoints and tools are right there close at hand, alive and well and ready for the using. This really puts you at an advantage in your own life. They’re there – you’re simply not turning them inward. We just need to tinker a bit, it seems, with your own sense of worth and value. Work that out and whala! You can begin to lean into all that you so effortlessly and beautifully share with others.
Yup, to me, this is a case of “I’m not worthy.” When we believe we’re not worthy, it means we don’t get to have the very things we want and need to be happy. We simply don’t believe that we deserve all of the support we give to others. And form this place we end up side lined on the road to happiness. Our energy drains, our enthusiasm wanes and our confidence takes a hike. We wake up one day and say to ourselves; “how come they get all the good stuff and my life looks like crap?” Pretty sad, huh?
So how do we turn that train around? How do we begin to live in the land of worth and take a stand for our own beautiful, deserving self? In a word; act. Try this: grab a pen and paper and turn the conversation around. Step outside of your own story for a minute and ask yourself how you coach, support and advise someone you love who found themselves in this same position? How would you help get them unstuck? What would you say to them? Assume they’re a completely willing participant; that they want to get unstuck and they’re ready to do the work. Get in there with them, roll up your sleeves and figure it out. Break it down into a plan or a process. What would his days look like? How would he handle problems? How would he deal with apathy when it shows up? Once you have something tangible down, take it and begin the process yourself. Test it out. Tweak it where necessary. Make it work in your life. Then watch, because as you do, your sense of worthiness will increase. As you start implementing your own plan, you’ll feel better and your sense of deserving will track right along with you.
A few other suggestions:
· You say your life is a wreck. I say drop the drama. Get out of your story. What we say to ourselves, dictates our experience. Change how you talk about yourself and your life and you’ll start to find the energy to change things. Take a stand for yourself and your life, my friend. It’s the only one you have and the rest of us need you to be smiling and feeling successful.
· Start small. Pick one area that seems easy and fun to tackle. Begin anywhere, it doesn’t matter. It’s all connected. Any improvement will impact the whole. Once you have one area on the upswing, take on another one.
· Use your life as a laboratory. There is actually a gift in the struggle you’re experiencing. Connecting with your own shortcomings actually can make you an even better source of support to your friends and family because when you do, when you get in and understand your own pain, discomfort and challenges you know better what others are dealing with. Giving a purpose to your own struggle can give you the impetus to move through it. Take those skills and tools you offer others and perfect them in your own life. (I do this all the time as a coach. I don’t suggest one single strategy I’ve not tried out in my own life.)
As a life coach, I am trained to hold that each person is the expert in his or her own life; that he is whole and complete and resourceful. My job is to help each client access their own wisdom and solutions. You have a lot to draw upon. Everything you need to live the life you imagine is right there inside you. Giving yourself the gift of your own wisdom is perhaps the greatest act of self love you could do. Best of luck and keep me posted. -- John Dulworth, CPC